Monday, February 20, 2012

Back to Life, Back to Reality


When I first entered the blog world I was a ghost reader. I found blogs surfing the internet while at work. I found a few entertaining blogs that I looked forward to reading everyday and created bookmarks with these blogs in them. Then I decided to start my own blog. I found a few women who would leave kind comments on my blog and I formed what I called "blog friends". I looked forward to reading what was going on in their lives, weather it was decor, food, kids, or just being a woman in general. I found women who ran their households well, where inspirational mothers and always made me wonder how they did it all and still found time to sew, exercise and DIY.

I gradually began comparing myself to these women. I dwelled on how far from my ideal life I was drifting. I beat myself up about not sewing any of those cute little outfits I had saved in a file for Olivia. I pushed my husband into home renovations so that I could take pictures and blog about them. I focused on the baby weight I still hadn't lost.

When I missed a couple days of blogging, people who knew me and read my blog asked what happened. My answer was that I was too busy living and enjoying life to write about living and enjoying life. Which was true. Olivia has blossomed into a wonderful little girl. I love filling my days with her. Any chance I get to spend time with her I do. A few weeks later, I fell out of the blog world all together, no longer reading my daily reads. A few bloggers shared words of wisdom and let me know they looked forward to my return. I started to feel the guilt of not blogging.

So I stopped.

I stopped writing my blog. I stopped reading other blogs. I removed myself from the blog world and tried hard to find again what made me happy other than Olivia and Kenrick. After all, before them I was happy, with them I am happier than I have ever been. So why do I feel unhappy and disappointed with myself? What happened to the me I used to be? I started a Pinterest account and tried to create boards that reflected who I am and who I want to be. What house I want. What clothes I want to wear. What words and phrases explain my thoughts better than I could have. What type of mother I want to be.

Then over the holidays the walls around me came crashing down. I uploaded pictures from some holiday gatherings and didn't recognize the woman in the photos. I was the heaviest I have ever been (not counting pregnancy). I have aged, and I avoided really looking at myself because I didn't want to face the disappointment. I visited with people who are at the best they have ever been and thought what am I doing? I realized I needed to hit the ReStart, I decided to do something, stop dwelling and do something.

So I made the decision to take my life back. I vow to be more in tune with what I eat, exercise more, really focus on what I want out of life and get on the path to achieving it - a satisfied existence. It's time to move on from this blog. My heart simply isn't here anymore. I hardly recognize the girl who began writing this blog. Thank you for all the times we have spent together, I will always remember the kind words and thoughts from all of you.

Take Care,Lisa

P.S. You can reach me by emailing me at spaces@rogers.com. And I hope you will. Let's stay in touch...I still hope to follow and read your blogs

4 comments:

Just Beachy said...

I'm so sorry to hear that , I think your great . Thanks for sharing this.
It can get a little crazy , life , family , raising kids , it's easy to lose yourself .
I'm again struggling putting weight back on , that's how I deal with stress see , but I'll get back in line , eventually.
I have missed you , that's for sure .
Chris

Jen @ RamblingRenovators said...

So glad you posted again, if only to say farewell. Its amazing how quickly life changes and you wake up one day and wonder how you landed here. I hope you find yourself again. Wishing you continued happiness with Olivia and Kenrick. xoxo.

Vanessa said...

Hi,

I came across your site http://swedaisyspaces.blogspot.com while searching Google for blogs talking about growing/gardening equipment and related keywords and was wondering if you'd be open to doing a sponsored blog post.

We have a site that growing/gardening equipment and are looking for more exposure online.

Our budget for this is initially $20 for the post and we would give you the blog post (gardening related & already written) as well as a picture to post. All you would have to do is post it.

Here's a sample post we did on another blog: http://homefurniturebiz.com/grow-lights/

We're really just testing out different bloggers, and if you bring some good traffic, we're totally open to doing an annual banner ad!

Also if you have some other blogs, please send them over and I'll take a look and we might be open to doing a post on those as well!

Let me know if you'd be open to this!

Regards,

Vanessa
vanessac@lashopmail.com

ader ser said...

cinebistro hyde park