Thursday, February 21, 2008

The missing post

I know I told you Liz that I was inspired by your "Birds in the Morning" post to write something today. Unfortunately when I got to work - (yes I blog at work) - I had forgotten the picture that I wanted to include. So I will have to keep you in suspense for one more day, unless I get home tonight and can find the picture.

As for the blogging at work. There are 2 reasons, the first reason is because the internet we have at home is a little slow. The second reason and the more influential reason is that I work an odd shift. I start at 1pm and finish at 10 pm. I then take a 45 min train ride home. Followed by a 10 minute drive to my house. So by the time I get home it's very late. Which makes it hard to get up early in the morning and get anything done. It's very tough to be able to spend time with my husband and also find time to be creative. The weekends end up getting split between my husband, my family and friends and all the chores that need to be done around the house. I won't lie, my husband does most of the chores, and I thank God everyday that I found him. But there are the decorating projects that we are working on around the house that take up alot of our time. It's tought to juggle everything but for now it pays the bills.

Speaking about "for now" I seem to have this annoying little monkey on my back that reers it's ugly head every few weeks. He nags me about the career that I don't have. Yes I have a job and it pays the bills, but what about the dreams I had as a little girl to do more with my life? When I was little I wanted to be a teacher, and somehow when the time came to choose courses in high school I decided to go the safe route and do a little of everything, but not specializing on anything. Mistake number one. When I graduated I wanted to pursue a creative career. My parents biggest worry with that was me being able to support myself and one day a family on the income of a "struggling artist". So we comprimised and I went into Interior Design. Mistake number 2. After 3 years of school, I ventured off into the design industry to discover that I hated it! Not the actual designing, that I love. I had a hard time working in the industry, I guess my skin just wasn't cut out for the design world.

So here I am at the age of 27 (28 in September) and I don't have a career, I don't have the education to back me up in any other areas, and I'm starting to feel stressed about the plans my husband and I have to have kids and travel in the near future. And so the ugly monkey pops up every few months and reminds me that I need to be doing something else

1 comment:

Liz said...

I think that women our ages are all having a crisis of sorts. It's a time when we always thought we'd have things figured out and direction carved for our lives. But, there's such possibility in these feelings. I dont know that I wouldnt be terribly upset if my whole life was already set in stone. Somehow, these feelings are always the first step to something different. :)